If i come over, it means nothing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
