i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
