He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
