Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
