he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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