Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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