if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
