Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
