When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
