I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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