she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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