Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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