The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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