I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
