If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
