I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
