do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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