We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
