This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
