OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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