so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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