we have pet lesbian snakes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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