Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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