Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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