Im at strip club and am horny
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
