I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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