I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
