I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
