you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
