I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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