i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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