my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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