It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
