i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
