i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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