got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
