so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it glows. i had to have it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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