totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
