i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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