my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
