I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
