u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
