Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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