We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
