Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
