I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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