We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
