Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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