Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
