Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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