you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
